He's at it AGAIN!
by Togechu09
Summary: Silly America's getting into his "Apocalypse" theories again and driving everyone insane. Involves paranoia, bitchslaps, and an irritated England. CRACKFIC!
1. The Week Before

Chu: Okay guys, I know I'm supposed to be working on Tormentor, Protector, Lover and everything but you have NO IDEA how much I wanted to write this!

Mo: Chu and I were chatting and were thinking about the possibility of America having a big freak out because of the whole "Rapture" thing.

Chu: Yep! So I just HAD to write and post this. SO, it's a three-shot Hetalia fic and guys, seriously **THIS IS NOTHING BUT CRACK! If I offend anyone, then I'm sorry but this was written purely out of humor…it just happens to be well written because it's me.**

Demi: Chu is particular about how much detail she puts into things…especially fics like this one.

Chu: Shut up and do the disclaimer!

Demi: Fiiiine. Chu does not own any of the Hetalia characters or the Rapture theory.

!

America was late.

America was _twenty minutes_ late as a matter of fact and the later it got, the more pissed off England was becoming. His eyebrows twitched so violently that they looked as if they just might fall off; there was even a vein popping in his forehead! _'Bloody hell….where IS that idiot, Flying Mint Bunny?'_ He thought to his cute little animal companion. He knew the moronic nation wasn't the King of Punctuality, but BLOODY HELL, this was bad even for him!

Ten more minutes past and even the other nations were getting a bit irritated with the absentee. England couldn't take this anymore and slammed his fist on the table. "IN THE NAME OF QUEEN ELIZABETH, WHERE IS THAT IDIOT!" He shouted angrily, the others staring at him in surprise. "Does anyone know!" He asked irritably, and turned to glare at his lifelong nemesis. "FRANCE! Do you have something to do with this, you irritating frog!"

Flamboyant as the rising sun, France gave a dramatic hair flip and scoffed at England. "Hon hon hon, I have nothing to do with the disappearance of your precious America, _Angle Terre_! I would not touch the boy!" He responded while looking him in the eye. England deflated a little and turned to the other nations. "Has anyone else seen him?"

"Ve~ He hasn't been to my house."

"I haven't seen him since the last meeting. Aiyaaaaa, he owes me so much money, aru!"

"Why would I want to see that blunderhead outside the meeting?"

"He hasn't been to my house lately."

All of the other nations also answered negatively to seeing the hyper nation and England finally, reluctantly, turned to Russia. "…Russia….you haven't seen America, have you?" He asked, thinking to himself. _'Please don't say yes, please don't say yes, please don't say yes!'_

The large nation said nothing and simply gave that cheerful, yet disturbing smile of his that made the other nations shudder. Lithuanian, wanting to help, spoke up. "I-I haven't seen Mr. America at Mr. Russia's h-house….." He said quietly and then shivered when he noticed Russia's aura suddenly flare up behind him. "N-N-Nevermind…" He said quickly and cowered in his seat.

England gave a loud sigh and frowned. "Then where the bloody hell is he! If that git doesn't arrive soon, I'm going to-" He started to say, but was interrupted when doors burst open and the object of his irritation suddenly dashed in, doing a fine imitation of a chicken without its head.

"OMIGOSHOMIGOSH I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!"

The nations stared wide-eyed at the panicky America until England smacked him across the face. "Calm down, you fool! You aren't making any sense! And where the hell have you been!"

America looked dazed for a moment, before England finally came into focus. "OH MY GOD, ENGLAND! CHECK THIS, I WAS WALKING AROUND BEING MY HERO SELF AND GOING TO ALL THE BUGER JOINTS WHEN THIS GUY STOPPED ME AND STARTED TALKING ABOUT THIS THING CALLED "THE RAPTURE," America started shouting about ten times past his usual decibel level. "WHEN I GOT HOME, I LOOKED IT UP ONLINE AND ALL THESE THINGS ABOUT HOW WE'RE GOING TO FLY UP INTO THE SKY NAKED AND THERE'S GONNA BE EARTHQUAKES, AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF!" He shouted and the stopped to catch his breath, staring wide-eyed at a confused England.

Looking around at the other nations, England noticed that they all looked as confused as he did. Shaking his head, he turned back to America with a scowl on his face. "What the bloody hell are you talking about? None of that made any sense!" He said, immediately regretting it when America grabbed him by the shoulders and began to shake him. "Did you NOT understand me! THE. WORLD. IS. GOING. TO. END!" He screamed in England's face, emphasizing each word with a violent shake.

Almost all at once, the silent nations, with the exception of Russia and England, all erupted into shouts of how stupid America was being. Even the always sleepy Greece woke up from his nap to see what the big commotion was about.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Germany shouted after the uproar had gone on for about ten minutes. All of them immediately silenced themselves and the irritated German turned to look at America. "I'm sure there's a….mostly reasonable answer for America's speculation." He said, waiting as the others turned their eyes on America.

The spazzed out blonde nodded rapidly and then finally let go of England. "There is! This….Harold Something dude said so! He said the really good people are going to fly up into the sky and everyone else is going to stay on earth and suffer!" He said, his eyes almost bugging out of their sockets. England gave a frustrated sigh and then covered his face_. 'I'm assuming this guy is American…most likely why America himself believes it…'_ He thought to himself and then decided to play along for a moment. "And when exactly is this supposed to happen, America?"

America nodded again and got closer to his "brother". "It's supposed to happen on May 21st! At six o'clock!" He said with a deep frown on his face. Italy immediately gave a frightened shriek and latched onto Germany's arm. "Veee~ Germany, that means we only have a week to live! I'm so scared!" He shouted as the German tried in vain to shove him away.

"Italy calm down! America's just getting into another one of his insane Apocalypse theories. Remember when he "predicted" Y2K?" He asked and the other nations had to murmur an agreement. America had predicted the world's end almost as much as he proclaimed himself a hero.

The four-eyed nation gave a huff and then crossed his arms defiantly. "THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE! And If this is just an insane Apocalypse theory, then why is it that I know it's gonna happen by _time zones_!" He shouted and then swiftly pointed at Japan. "That means HE is the first to go!" He shouted, making the timid nation shake in confusion and fear. "W-What? Mr. America, that's a rude thing to say…" He said quietly as the blonde nation shrugged. "Sorry Japan. I know we're homies and all, but that's the truth! I'm sorry you had to find out this way." He said, patting the speechless Asian on the shoulder.

Turning to an annoyed England, he gave him his stupid grin and poked his cheek. "Don't worry bro! You're not disappearing until after France!"

"_Excusez-moi!"_

Turning to the angered French nation, America gave him a casual shrug. "Hey, like I said, that's the truth!"

Germany sighed and stood up with a still panicky Italy hanging off his arm, letting out frightened "Ve's". "Alright, America this has gone on far enough! We've wasted precious time in today's meeting because of your foolishness; now let's get on with it!" He said with a nod, finalizing what he said.

America threw his hands up in the air in frustration and turned to Germany "We don't have the _time_ for the meeting! We have to use this week and the next to prepare ourselves for the end! Or at least, I'm going to! I gotta stock up on hamburgers and anything else I might need!" He shouted and then rushed out the door.

Everyone stared at the open door silently until Greece took a look around and spoke up sleepily. "…..Does that mean that the meeting is over…?"

Germany gave a sigh and covered his eyes with his hand. "We can't have the meeting without America present, so to answer your question, yes. The meeting is over; but we're meeting up next week. NO ONE forget!" He said, eyeing them sternly.

The intimidated nations all nodded and then scattered to leave the conference room, leaving Germany alone with both Italy and England who seemed frozen to the spot. "_Mein Gott_, Italy! Stop whining like a scared little girl and let go of me!" He shouted and then finally succeeded in shoving the Italian away. Turning to England, he raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat to get his attention. "I'd appreciate it if you could talk America out of this madness. It's impossible for him to _want _to listen to anyone but you." The German said sharply, snapping the Brit out of his trance.

"That isn't true! The git would listen to you too, so why won't you do it!" He asked, watching the German sling Italy over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "I'd knock what little sense he had back into his head if I didn't have to calm this one down." He said, jerking his head to the petrified Italian on his shoulder.

England gave a defeated sigh and then nodded. "Alright, I'll try but I'm not making any promises." He said with a grim look on his face. Germany gave him a swift nod and then left the room with Italy screaming into his ear.

Rolling his eyes, England moved to follow him. _'Definitely not promising that the idiot will listen to me, but whatever helps prevent another one of these stupid Y2K incidents…' _He thought to himself, shutting the door behind him.

!

Chu: Haaah. And that's the first chapter peeps.

Demi: ….I hear you two talk about this anime frequently, but I never knew America was so stupid.

Mo: Yeah, he is a bit….well thick-headed.

Chu: His personality makes up for it though! Okay guys, R&R! And if you haven't read my LoZ fic, Tormentor, Protector, Lover then check it out! Kay! And remember**; this one is just CRACK**!


	2. The Day Of

Chu: Eheh…I know some of you aren't going to forgive me, but even crack takes some time to develop correctly!

Demi: You're just making excuses for your laziness!

Chu: ….That and I went to Otakon!

Demi: …..That was MONTHS ago; you haven't updated since June!

Chu: ….Screw you….

Mo: Are you two done fighting?

Chu and Demi: ….Yes.

Mo: Good, and Demi, Writer's Block is a contributing factor too, you know.

Chu: That's right! Mo, it's your turn for the disclaimer!

Mo: Kay! Chu does not own any of the Hetalia characters or the Rapture theory.

!

*England's POV*

_3:45 p.m._

I was right; the bloody yank didn't listen when I told him it was all in his head. If anything it made him want to actually _prove_ to me that it was going to happen. It was why he'd come to my house at five a.m. a week later to wake me up, and it was also why I was currently sitting next to the frog with a massive headache while trying to hold myself back from ripping his throat out!

America was currently darting around the conference room, checking on the huge pile of unnecessary supplies that he insisted on gathering for today, staring at Japan every two minutes, and annoying the living hell out of everyone! I couldn't even enjoy my afternoon tea.

"_MON DIEU_! If he keeps this up, I'll have to throttle him, _Angle Terre_! I thought you were going to do something about him!"

My eye immediately twitched and I turned to glare at France irritably. "I already tried dealing with him, you bloody frog! There is no getting through to the idiot! I can't even calm down enough to relax with my tea…"

China chose that moment to shout from his seat across the room. "Fuck your tea, aru! If he looks at Japan like that one more time, I'm going to go ballistic, aru!" He shouted and then nailed America in the head with his giant pink eraser….I didn't know WHY he had one, but I silently applauded him for it.

America, who had already begun his routine staring at Japan, turned his attention to China in confusion. "What! I'm sorry bro, but I'm just worried about him is all! I wonder what floating into the sky naked would be like anyway. Hey Japan, you'll have to tell us when it happens, okay!"

Japan was so startled by the question that he couldn't even form a real sentence. "A-ano…..I-I…..ugh…." He finally gave up and simply covered his face with his hand, shaking in anguish.

I turned to look at how Germany was handling this situation and nearly regretted it when I saw a vein about to pop in his forehead.

'_And he starts screaming in 3….2…1….now.'_

"_VERDAMMT_, AMERICA! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! WE ALL KNOW THIS IS A REDICULOUS SPECULATION OF YOURS, SO KNOCK IT OFF AND THINK RATIONALLY FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, actually succeeding in making America cower in fear before going back to his chair and sulking, muttering things about how "It's really going to happen dude…it's not a specu-whatever…."

Shaking my head at the idiot sitting next to me, I turned to look at a now calm Germany who was trying to continue the meeting. "Finally….now, we can continue this meeting in peace!"

_4:55 p.m._

Germany was sorely mistaken about continuing the interrupted meeting in peace, because a little more than an hour later America was hidden under a pile of frozen hamburgers in boxes, peering out at everyone. Not to mention calling us names and saying there was nothing we could do about it because he was protected by his impenetrable hamburger box fort.

What the bloody hell was a hamburger box fort anyway!

Whatever it was, this behavior had to cease; it was getting on my nerves!

I blinked and then watched as the tall Mediterranean nation, Turkey, suddenly stood and wandered over, staring at the pile blankly. _'Oh no….not again….' _I thought as I heard the idiot start talking.

"Hey, you….Phantom of the Opera!" This made my eye start twitching violently.

"Yeah dude, that's right, I'm calling you Phantom of the Opera and there's nothing you can do about it, because I'm protect-AAAAAUUUGH!" I blinked and everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over to see Turkey with his leg still sticking out from the kick he'd given to America's "hamburger box fort"….as well as a frazzled America sitting in the middle of it.

The irritated Middle Eastern nation grabbed America by his bomber jacket and lifted him up until they were looking directly at each other. "Listen here, you _pislik_! You've already upset Japan with all of this talk about him floating into the sky first; we don't need you insulting us! Now. Sit. DOWN!" He said, emphasizing each word with a shake and then let him go.

America stared blankly for moment and then slunk back to his seat next to me…..for the second time.

"Honhonhonhonhon….."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I heard France's obnoxious laughter next to me and shook my head. "That's what an idiotic wanker like you gets for disrupting our meeting again." I stated flatly with crossed arms, shaking my head. He did nothing but pout and mope like the little child he is. As he should.

_5:57 p.m._

At this point in time I didn't care what that fool was doing, I was just glad that he finally SHUT. UP!

Three minutes before the supposed "Rapture" was going to happen and that idiot was sitting in his spot next to me and staring at Japan with a fascinated, wide-eyed look on his face. The poor Asian was clearly uncomfortable with the attention his supposed "friend" was giving him; you know if his constant squirming in his seat while trying to avoid eye contact with America was any less of a HINT. Too bad he never reads the mood.

Glancing next to me after I heard a shift in movement, I saw America looking down at his watch and then back at Japan, and if his eyes could have gotten any wider they did. _'Please don't let him….'_ I started to think, but was cut off when he suddenly leapt out of his chair and onto the table.

"DUDES! IT'S 5:59 SO IT'S ALMOST TIME!"

The nation currently speaking, Russia, came to a halt in his speech and turned his attention to America, a bright smile on his face. Oh bollocks…

"Hahaha….very funny America. Just being silly as always I'm sure, da?" He asked sweetly, but anyone could sense the subtle threat behind those words….you could practically see an aura of pure EVIL radiating off of him! ….God forbid it's some exceptionally ominous color like purple! Russia was saying 'sit and let me finish, or I will make you regret ever interrupting me.'

However, as America was somehow unable to sense the mood, he just turned to Japan and smiled sadly. "It was nice knowing you, homie. You shared your weight loss secrets and food with me and that was awesome. I'll probably be following you in a few hours, so you won't be by yourself for long." He said like the oblivious idiot he was. Japan frowned crossly and glanced away. "A-America-san! This talk of me and my citizens suddenly disappearing is improper and rude! Hasn't this gone on long enough?"

"And anyway," I added with an eyeroll, holding out my watch. "It is currently 6:01 p.m. and Japan is still among us. Therefore your little "apocalypse" theory is a complete farce." I ended a-matter- of-factly. He was silent for a moment and then reached out, yanking my watch to his face. He stared for a moment doing nothing but opening and closing his mouth in disbelief. "B-….bu-but….WHA!"

Russia giggled, that same smile on his face. "Oh, then I can continue my speech, da?"

I just gave a simple sigh and a nod. America wasn't going to be talking for a loooong time.

_6:25 p.m._

America was still sulking in his seat as the meeting came to a close. Not that I actually cared about the idiot, but he'd been sitting there for almost half an hour.

"Oi! How long are you going to sit there and mope like a silly little girl denied sweets!" I asked, scowling deeply.

He didn't say anything to me and shook his head, muttering about when didn't happen.

"There's no way it couldn't not happen….Americans are always right about stuff….I HAVE TO LOOK INTO THIS!" He suddenly announced to the entire room and then suddenly bolted from the premises.

'_There will be no end to this until the world actually ends, will there?'_

!

Chu: And there you have the second chapter! Just so no one gets confused, they were having the meeting in Japan.

Demi: Oh whatever…Mo, don't you have an announcement?

Mo: Oh yes! I've recently gotten into making mochis and if anyone wants a mini one, then I'll be happy to make one. Just tell us your favorite character and I'll make it.

Chu: Here's the twist…..between the fifth and tenth reviewers I will randomly select someone to receive it! Cause I can. BWAHAHAHA!

Mo: o.o;;;; Oh Chu…you and all your twists!

Chu: Yes, well. R&R everyone!


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